I think that if we were to choose the greatest breaker of romantic relationships is applying work division principles to chores.
If you’re after the increase of efficienciencies while playing house, you will get either one of divorce, therapy or a dysfunctional family — given the exception where both parties are high functioning sociopaths.
When playing house efficiencies should be sacrificed for the activities of bonding and the creation of any possible opportunity for bonding. That’s the whole goal of living together, of making a family and all that.
Work division puts pressure on the one not doing said chore to not break the focus and rhythm and plan of the one doing said chore. This then becomes a work relationship and you end up getting appointments with your lover. Sure we don’t call them like that, but step back and think about it:
— how many people fight because only one person cooks all the food in the house and the others won’t eat it?
— how many people end up in rage because one person in the house does all the cleaning in the house and the others keep creating the mess to be cleaned?
— how many people live in constant stress because only one person in the house pays all the bills and the others constantly whine that there is no money to spend on indulgence?
This list is endless.
If one person is in charge of all house cleaning, and another person is in charge with all child delivery services, it is a given that the other person’s mess and the other person’s other delivery needs will drive the one in charge farther away day by day.
These things we have to do to play house need to be shared, playfully chaotic and taken lightly.
Relationships are about letting people inside your self. You will try to be a good host, but given the long time they’re supposed to reside there, at some point you will cease to be a good host and develop expectations, king among them: trust. So, both parties need to do as much as humanly possible to not create any situation where the other one’s self becomes annoyed or messy.
Many people bond in many ways. There is no recipe. Some bond while fighting lightly just to make up later, others having daily family dinners, others having often date nights out, others by building companies or research projects, others by completely giving themselves in to their children.
No recipe on bonding is. But the work division on chores mistake is a force that breaks apart bindings. The world is made in such a way that survival, health and self actualisation are complicated, most times for no real reason, time consuming, emotionally exhausting and mentally depleting. The least you can do is to preserve ease and thriving inside your own cocoon with whomever you’ve chosen to share it with.